Queer is a reclaimed term for some and an active slur for others, and both responses are valid. Whether the label resonates or offends depends on who you ask, what their history with the word is, and how it’s being used.
This post brings together how the Kalda community feels about queer, what its history looks like, and when (and when not) to use it. All quotes come directly from the Kalda community.
“I use it for myself as I think it encapsulates my vibe and identity, but understand that it’s been a weapon against many in the LGBTQ+ community so not everyone is comfortable with it. So try not to umbrella-term everyone in it. I own it for me.”
Where does the word queer come from?
The word predates its use as a slur. “Queer as a 9 bob note” was a common idiom. Queer has always signified something different, or outside of normal conventions.
It became a slur primarily as an insult against gay men, then expanded outwards to cover the broader LGBTQIA+ community. That use has continued for decades, and for many people the word still lands as violence.
“I like it for myself, but I don’t like it when people use it to refer to LGBTQIA+ people as a whole. For many it is still a slur (especially the older generations) and to use it alienates them.”
Is queer reclaimed or still a slur?
Both. Queer is genuinely divisive within the LGBTQIA+ community.
Some people remember the word as it was used against them and feel it doesn’t represent them at all. Others have embraced its history as a slur and reclaimed it as a way of refusing conventional norms. The DJ collective Queer House Party, for example, wears the label with pride and uses it to signal accessible, radical, community-led spaces.
Neither response is the right or wrong way to use the word. They’re both responses to the same complicated history.
There’s an important nuance in how reclaiming works:
“Reclaiming a slur is a deeply personal thing. Individuals can reclaim a slur, but communities cannot, so claiming that it’s been ‘reclaimed by the community’ is both false and offensive.”
A person reclaiming a word for themselves doesn’t reclaim it for everyone. Each person decides for themselves.
Why don’t people want queer used as a catch-all?
What is the “queer community,” exactly? Does it cover people who identify as queer, but not those who don’t? Does it cover people who dress outside the norm but are straight? Drag queens and kings? People who are closeted?
Queer cannot stand in for LGBTQIA+ as a category. There are people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, questioning, intersex, or asexual who don’t identify as queer, and using queer as an umbrella label erases them.
This matters a lot when organisations or marketing teams reach for a shorter, punchier word than LGBTQIA+. The shortcut comes at a real cost:
“I dislike it intensely when non-LGBTQIA+ people, orgs, or companies use it. It actually makes me want to avoid them.”
The community is diverse, and trying to fit every person into a single box is the last thing you should be doing. Each subset has its own language, slang, and context. If you want to write or speak in a way that appeals to the community at large, be careful with your language. Or ask.
How does the Kalda community feel about the word?
We asked, and the responses cover the full spectrum:
“It is a slur, and for myself I’ve always ended up reclaiming words and throwing them back out there as something positive. But that doesn’t mean I would use it for someone else unless they asked me to, and I wouldn’t use it for the whole community.”
“I use it for myself. It feels like it’s become synonymous with LGBTI but it’s a lot shorter… and its original meaning, ‘sort or peculiar’ (I think), also resonates with me.”
“I like it as a descriptive term for my sexuality, gender identity (I much prefer the term ‘genderqueer’ to ‘non-binary’, I actually kinda hate nb as it defines my identity by what I’m not rather than what I am), and general identity.”
“Queer is the best and only term I have found that embodies all the aspects of my relational, political, sexual and romantic identities. It is, for me, a radical identity.”
“I identify as queer. To me, it’s freedom. I’ve shared the word with many young and questioning people, who have found comfort in it.”
“I think to accept that queer is not synonymous with LGBT should mean to acknowledge that its meaning is in fact broader than that.”
“If someone identifies themselves as queer, of course I will refer to them as such. I’m not here to dictate how people identify. But I find it really quite offensive and triggering when people refer to me as queer due to my experiences of that word used in a violent context.”
So how should I use the word?
In short: ask.
If you identify as queer yourself, the word is yours. If you don’t, treat it like personal pronouns. Don’t assume. Use queer to describe people who have told you that’s how they identify; default to other language for people who haven’t.
The word is still used as a slur, and it still stings. Asking is a small thing that makes a real difference.
Where to next
- What does LGBTQIA+ mean? for a fuller breakdown of every letter in the acronym, including how the Q is used.
- Read more on sexuality for explainers and lived-experience content on identity.
- Stonewall’s LGBTQ+ glossary covers the term queer alongside other UK-specific terminology.
Originally published 1 May 2023; revised for the new Kalda site, May 2026. All community quotes preserved verbatim.