As someone who doesn’t drink, and who worked in hospitality for three years, I’m always on the lookout for things to do with friends that don’t involve the pub.
I enjoy a nice sit-down meal with friends as much as anyone, but it’s good to not be in a pub all the time. There’s a strong societal expectation to drink in British culture, and as someone who is relatively new to kicking the booze, I find it useful to remind myself that other social activities exist.
If you have sober friends, or you’re sober yourself, or you’re just trying to vary the menu, here are some ideas.
Visit a park
Weather and mobility permitting, getting outside and into nature lifts the mood. A combination of good company and a scenic location is hard to beat. Changing environments is also genuinely good for building relationships; it gives you new things to talk about and breaks the routine of seeing the same friends in the same place.
Go to a museum or art gallery
Whatever city you’re in, there’s probably a gallery nearby. Go to it. Pick an exhibition you have no real interest in. If it’s awful, that’s something to laugh about together. If it surprises you, even better. In bigger cities (London, Manchester, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Bristol, Cardiff), there’ll always be something on that’s worth at least an interesting hour or two.
Meet for coffee, tea, or something else hot
There’s almost always somewhere nearby that offers a relaxed, pleasant atmosphere. One of my favourite uses of a coffee shop is co-working with a friend in the same space. Agree to meet during the week and get some work done together. You’re being social and productive at the same time, which is a good trick.
Play a video game together
One thing my partner and I started doing was running a private Minecraft server and building things together. We’ve built everything from a chicken launching machine to a prison for all the villagers (don’t ask) to a minecart track winding through the mountains. It doesn’t have to be Minecraft, and it doesn’t even need to be a two-player game. One person plays, the other watches and offers unhelpful advice. It works.
“I’ve had some of the best times of my life playing or watching video games with my friends.” (Kalda user)
Make something together
This can be as ambitious as starting a business or as small as taking a single photo together. Online or in person, collaborative creation is one of the most underrated ways to bond. There are loads of project ideas online, using all sorts of skills. The next time a friend comes over, suggest you make something together. A jigsaw counts.
Take a class together
Pottery, painting, dance, language, cooking, climbing. Most cities and many towns have evening classes that work as much as a social activity as a learning experience. You get the same advantage as the museum trip (a shared new thing to talk about) plus you walk away with a skill, which is satisfying.
Why sober-friendly socialising matters for queer life
For queer people specifically, the alcohol question is loaded. Much of the visible LGBTQIA+ community is organised around gay bars, club nights, and drinking culture. Those spaces have been important historically and remain important now. They are also places where sober queer people can feel quietly excluded.
If you’re sober or sober-curious, you don’t have to choose between your queerness and your sobriety. Both can be central. It just often means being more deliberate about how and where you socialise. The people in your life who matter will adapt without much fuss.
If you’re a friend of someone who has stopped drinking, the most useful thing you can do is keep inviting them to things and offer non-alcohol options as a default rather than as a concession. Sober people often lose social momentum because friends quietly stop including them in plans that have always assumed alcohol. Don’t be the friend who quietly drops them.
Where to next
- How to make new friends for the broader work of building connection as an adult, including queer-specific suggestions for where to meet people.
- Read more on relationships for writing on friendship, chosen family, and the relational work that makes a life.
- For UK support around alcohol and recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous and Drinkaware are good starting points.
Originally published 1 May 2023; revised for the new Kalda site, May 2026.