Aroace is short for aromantic asexual. It describes someone who is both aromantic (experiences little or no romantic attraction) AND asexual (experiences little or no sexual attraction). It is the combination of two distinct but related identities, both of which exist on a spectrum.
If you have wondered why you don’t feel the things other people seem to feel, in either the romantic or the sexual register, aroace may be the word you have been looking for. Or it may not be. Both are fine. The point of this post is to lay out what the label covers, so you can decide if any of it resonates.
What’s the difference between aromantic and asexual?
The shortest way to keep them separate:
- Asexual is about sexual attraction: the experience of being sexually drawn to someone.
- Aromantic is about romantic attraction: the experience of wanting romance, dating, partnership, or feeling “in love” with someone.
The two often get conflated because mainstream culture treats sex and romance as the same thing in a “package deal.” For many people they do come bundled. For asexual and aromantic people, the orientations come apart.
You can be:
- Asexual but not aromantic. You don’t experience sexual attraction, but you do experience romantic attraction. You might date, fall in love, and want a partner, while having little or no interest in sex.
- Aromantic but not asexual. You experience sexual attraction, but not romantic attraction. You might have casual partners or hookups, while having no interest in dating or romance.
- Aroace. Both. Neither sexual nor romantic attraction features prominently in your experience.
Aroace is the intersection. It is not a separate orientation from asexuality and aromanticism, it is the specific overlap.
Is aroace a spectrum?
Yes, both halves are. Some useful sub-labels you may encounter:
- Grey-asexual (greysexual / grey-A): you experience sexual attraction rarely, weakly, or only under specific circumstances.
- Demisexual: you only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional bond.
- Grey-aromantic (greyromantic): you experience romantic attraction rarely or weakly.
- Demiromantic: you only experience romantic attraction after forming a strong emotional bond.
So an aroace person might be fully aro and fully ace, or demi-and-grey across both, or any other combination. The labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. People use the precision that helps them, and many just use “aroace” or “ace” as the convenient shorthand.
The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) is the most established resource for the broader ace community and includes good plain-language definitions.
What does aroace actually feel like?
Common experiences people describe:
- You watched friends start to “discover boys” or “discover girls” in your teens and quietly wondered when your version was supposed to start.
- You enjoy other people’s company, including very close company, without that company progressing toward sex or romance.
- The frequent question “do you fancy anyone?” has always been mildly confusing because the answer is genuinely “no, not really, I never have.”
- You have had relationships (sometimes long ones) because relationships were what was expected, and they were fine, but they never felt like the thing the songs and films described.
- Sex, when it has happened, ranges from neutral to unpleasant. Romance, when it has happened, ranges from neutral to suffocating.
- You feel a strong sense of being yourself, but a slight gap from a culture that assumes sex and romance are the centre of everyone’s adult life.
Aroace people are not unfeeling. Many describe deep love for friends, family, pets, places, ideas, communities. The thing that is missing or quieter is the specific machinery of romantic and sexual attraction toward other people.
Is aroace the same as being celibate or single?
No, and the distinction matters.
- Celibacy is a chosen behaviour: a person who can experience sexual attraction is deciding not to act on it. It is a choice, often religious or personal.
- Singleness is a relationship status: not currently partnered. Most single people would partner if the right person came along.
- Aroace is an inherent orientation: a description of what you do and don’t experience. It is not a choice and is not dependent on whether you are partnered or sexually active.
Aroace people can be partnered (often in queerplatonic relationships, see below), can be sexually active by choice for various reasons, and can also be both single and celibate. None of those statuses change whether someone is aroace.
Are aroace people queer?
Yes. The “A” in LGBTQIA+ stands for asexual, aromantic, and agender. Aroace people belong in queer community.
That said, the question gets asked often, sometimes by aroace people themselves, sometimes by others. A few honest things to know:
Aroace people are queer in the structural sense. Their orientation diverges from the heterosexual-and-romantic default that culture assumes. They face the same kind of erasure, awkwardness, and “but you must be wrong about yourself” pressure that other queer people face, often more so.
Some aroace people don’t identify with the word queer personally. That is fine. “Queer” is a community label that some find liberating and some find uncomfortable, regardless of orientation. The “are you queer enough” anxiety is real for aroace people too, often more acutely. See queer imposter syndrome for the underlying pattern.
Some queer spaces are not yet good at including aroace people. Aro and ace identities are often treated as “less queer” or “not really queer” by people who should know better. This is community failure, not a comment on the validity of the identity.
What about relationships, family, and intimacy?
Aroace people have rich relational lives. The shape often differs from the default-mononormative-romantic template, which means it can be invisible to people who haven’t thought about alternatives.
Some structures aroace people often find useful:
- Queerplatonic relationships (QPRs). Committed, central partnerships that are not romantic. See what is a queerplatonic relationship for the full primer.
- Chosen family. Deep, intentional friendships and communities that play the role family is “supposed” to. Particularly important when family-of-origin has been rejecting or distant.
- Living arrangements with friends. House-shares that aren’t temporary stepping stones to coupledom but actual long-term homes.
- Solo polyamory or no partnership at all. A full life built around work, creative practice, friendships, community, and self, without partnership as the organising centre.
The pattern is that aroace people often build the kind of life that gets called “non-traditional,” because the traditional template doesn’t fit them. The lives that result are not lacking. They are different by design.
Where to next
If you are exploring whether aroace fits, related reading:
- What does asexual mean? for a deeper dive on the ace half.
- What does it mean to be aromantic? for the aro half.
- What is demisexual? for the closely related demi spectrum.
- What is a queerplatonic relationship? for the relationship structure many aroace people use.
- Read more on sexuality for adjacent identity content.
You do not have to settle on a label to live your life. The labels are tools, not exams. Use what fits, leave what doesn’t, and revisit when you want to.