An aromantic person, often shortened to aro, experiences little to no romantic attraction. These feelings sit on a spectrum, with some aro people feeling zero interest in romance and others feeling only very mild interest. It’s one of the orientations that sits under the broader queer umbrella, and one of the most misunderstood, even within LGBTQIA+ communities.
This post walks through what aromanticism means, how it differs from asexuality, how to support someone who’s aro, and how to think about whether the label might apply to you.
Where does the word “aromantic” come from?
The term comes from the Greek prefix a, meaning “without” or “not,” combined with romantic, in the same way that we form the word asexual. The aromantic community has built much of its vocabulary in the past two decades, in close conversation with the asexual community. AUREA (the Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education and Advocacy) is the most established global hub for aromantic resources, definitions and research.
Is aromantic the same as asexual?
No. The two are related but distinct:
- Aromantic is about romantic attraction (or the absence of it).
- Asexual is about sexual attraction.
It’s perfectly possible for an aro person to have a high interest in sexual connections, just as it’s possible for an asexual person to be deeply romantic. Some people are both aro and ace; many are one but not the other. Stonewall’s LGBTQ+ glossary covers both terms in more detail if you want clinical-style definitions side by side.
What does being aromantic actually feel like?
In Western culture, romantic love is often held up above all other types as some kind of ideal. Other types of love (platonic love between friends, familial love, the deep care you feel for a chosen-family member) aren’t always given as much value. For an aro person, expressions of romance can seem anything from bafflingly pointless to sweet but unnecessary.
If you are aro, your relational life might include any of the following:
- Close friendships that meet most of the emotional needs other people associate with romance.
- Queerplatonic relationships (QPRs): committed, intimate partnerships that aren’t romantic in the traditional sense, often with their own rules and rhythms.
- Sexual connections that are valued on their own terms, without the expectation of “falling in love.”
- Chosen family that anchors your sense of belonging.
All of these meet different needs and have different depths of feeling attached to them, without any of them ever needing to involve “falling in love” in the romantic sense.
What should I do if someone tells me they’re aromantic?
Firstly, as with any expression of identity, believe them. Ask respectful questions by all means, but don’t make judgemental or belittling statements. Comments such as “you’ll change your mind if you meet the right person” only serve to invalidate their identity.
If you’re in a relationship with an aromantic person, or partners, be frank with yourself and with them about whether everyone’s needs will be met by the ways you each show appreciation. It’s totally possible to have wholly fulfilling, dedicated relationships without romance. Never pressure yourself or a partner to behave in ways that don’t feel natural.
Am I aromantic? How would I know?
There’s no test, no questionnaire, no clinical threshold. Aromanticism is an identity you choose to claim if it fits, and you can stop using the label later if it stops fitting. Some questions that aromantic people often recognise:
- Do crushes feel real to you, or like something you’re describing because others expect you to?
- When you imagine your future, does it centrally involve a romantic partner, or do friendships and chosen family feel more like the anchor?
- Have you ever felt like you were “performing” romance to meet a partner’s needs rather than expressing something you actually felt?
- Does the cultural emphasis on romantic love feel disproportionate to you, even when you can intellectually understand why others value it?
None of these are diagnostic. You can answer “yes” to all of them and not be aromantic. You can answer “no” to most and still be aromantic. The label is yours to try on.
If you’re thinking about telling a partner you might be aro, an honest conversation is usually more useful than a label-first announcement. You may well be able to come up with other ways to communicate your commitment to each other that don’t feel uncomfortable. Whilst it may be really important for some people to believe their own feelings are being mirrored back by a partner, ultimately no one can ever be sure that what they experience as romance is the same as another person’s definition.
Where to next
If you’re exploring your sexual or romantic orientation, you’re welcome at Kalda exactly as you are. A few starting points:
- Browse more writing on sexuality for explainers, lived-experience stories, and Kalda’s clinical takes on queer identity.
- More on relationships, including queerplatonic, polyamorous, and other non-traditional structures.
Originally published 1 May 2023; revised for the new Kalda site, May 2026.